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When someone you care for is considering abortion, conversation can be difficult, but your willingness to speak up may be very thing that will provide the support needed to help both the baby and her mother.

We can help you know generally what to say and how to say it, but remember that the story of the mother with whom you’re talking is unique. That does not change whether abortion is okay, but it does mean there might be unresolved personal issues that need attention. So while the baby’s life is the urgent matter, consider also recommending spiritual counsel to resolve related matters.

Click through the navigator below. Then hit “continue” to start the conversation.

Know Why Abortion is Wrong

Your goal is not just to win some intellectual debate. This conversation is about two people you care for: the baby and his or her mother. And so it will be important not to treat this like some cold logical argument.

But, as you discuss the risks of abortion and related topics, it will be important to keep in mind the reason abortion would be wrong. Here’s a summary in three short lines:

It is wrong to intentionally kill innocent human beings.
Elective abortion intentionally kills innocent human beings.
Therefore, elective abortion is wrong.

Even if the abortion posed no risks to the baby’s mother, it would still be wrong because it would be purposefully killing an innocent child.

Find out Why She is Considering Abortion

If you want to help the baby and his or her mother, you need to understand why abortion is being considered. In fact, it’s possible the baby’s mother already agrees with you that abortion is wrong. Something else might be motivating her to consider it.

Ask, “What makes you feel like having an abortion would be the best option?”

If she says some concern related to her situation (finances, relational issues, career goals, etc.) or that of your baby (special needs) is leading her to want an abortion,

First, acknowledge the concern

Say, “I understand why that makes you feel abortion is the answer. …”

Next, commit to helping

Continue, “But I know other mothers have chosen abortion for that reason, too, only to later realize it creates more problems. …” (See more under “Point to Truth” below.)

Finally, mention other options

Continue, “Did you know there are other solutions which avoid those problems for you and wouldn’t hurt our child?” (See more under “Point to Other Options” below.)

If she says she does not believe the baby is a human (or a person),

see our Conversation Navigator for help speaking with people who are pro-choice.

Point to Truth

Share the risks abortion would pose to her.

Psychological

Having an abortion significantly increases risk of depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse, and drug use.

She would be 6 times more likely to commit suicide after having an abortion.

Physical

Infection and hemorrhage (excessive bleeding) are immediate risks of every abortion.

Depending on how far along she is, an abortion significantly increases her long-term risk for breast cancer, infertility, miscarriage, and preterm birth.

Share what abortion would do to her baby.

Pill Abortions

If she’s 10 weeks pregnant or less, she might have a pill abortion, also called a medical abortion.

This involves two drugs. The first, mifepristone (also called RU486 or Mifeprex) starves and suffocates the baby. Before she takes the drug, the baby is receiving nourishment and oxygen-rich blood through her mother’s uterine lining, in which she is nestled. After mifepristone is taken, the mother’s production of progesterone is blocked. Without this hormone, her uterine lining breaks down. This cuts off the baby’s flow of nourishment and oxygen, starving and suffocating her.

After the baby has been killed, another drug, misoprostol (also called Cytotec) is taken to force the dead body out of the mother’s uterus. This drug causes cramping and bleeding to expel the baby’s corpse. The bleeding and contractions can last a few hours to several days. It is often intense and painful for the mother.

Show her a photo of a baby killed by a pill abortion.

Surgical Abortions

If she’s over 10 weeks pregnant, she would have a surgical abortion.

In a D&C, or suction and curettage abortion, a suction machine 10-20 times more powerful than a household vacuum cleaner rips the baby out of her uterus, tearing him apart in the process. The abortionist would then use a curette to scrape out any pieces of the baby or placenta left inside her uterus.

In a D&E, or dilation and evacuation abortion, the abortionist will use forceps with sharp teeth or some similar tool to dismember the baby and pull him out piece by piece.

Show her photos of babies killed by surgical abortion.

Share these resources to help you both understand abortion procedures.

Considering Abortion: An Overview

MEDICAL ABORTIONS

SURGICAL ABORTIONS

Point to Other Options

Pregnancy resource centers can help you not only continue the conversation but also provide practical help to resolve the perceived need for abortion.

Find a pregnancy resource center near you.

OptionLine. You can also call right now (800-712-4357) for help finding a local pregnancy resource center.
Care Net pregnancy centers provide abortion alternative and pregnancy support services, especially in urban areas.

Say, “Did you know there are free resource centers that can help?”

Continue, “They have financial help, adoption services, and more. Would you go with me to hear more about the options?”

If she says, “No,”

Respond, “That’s fine. You can also call the pregnancy resource center (800-712-4357) for a private conversation on the phone about the options. Would you consider calling?”