Next Step 6 - Talk Created Equal

Your Next Step

The best navigation system will be of little value if not used. It is up to you to take the next step—to make the conversation actually happen. Here are some final tips to get you on your way.

Conversation Starters

When someone shares with you that his child was aborted, start with a simple question: “How are you doing today?”

What to Do

Remain calm

It might be shocking to learn that someone’s child was aborted. But if you get carried away with your emotions, you might lose your opportunity to help this grieving parent.

Ask questions

Questions are a powerful tool. In addition to starting conversations, questions can…

Demonstrate interest.

Questions show the person you’re talking to that you care about him. This is important for establishing the tone of a conversation instead of a sermon.

Clarify ideas

When ideas are vague, misunderstandings abound. Ask questions to clarify what he means. For example, he might say, “Abortion was right at the time.” Ask, “What do you mean? What about your life back then made this seem like the right choice?”

Expose assumptions

For example, he might say, “I know God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself.” This may seem humble, but it actually assumes that the father you’re talking to outranks God, since he is not accepting God’s declaration that he is forgiven.

Say, “I’ve never been in your shoes. I don’t know what this feels like. But I do know God is the highest judge, and if you believe in Jesus, he’s declared you forgiven. Isn’t this true no matter how you feel?”

Share stories

Stories are another powerful tool. They can inspire with examples of parents who found forgiveness through the work of Jesus Christ. Share Andrea’s story of forgiveness.

Use photos

As Andrea shares in the video above, pictures of abortion victims can play a powerful role in bringing healing and deeper understanding of forgiveness.

Download pictures from our gallery. Order handouts from our store.

Invite him to a pregnancy resource center

Many pregnancy resource centers offer services for men after abortion to help them find forgiveness and healing.

Find a pregnancy resource center near you. Ask if they have resources for fathers after abortion. Here are some great examples.

Deeper Still offers retreats for men who have experienced or participated in an abortion.
Abortion Recovery (866-469-7326) provides recovery resources for the entire family, with specific sections for fathers.
The Rachel’s Vineyard Men’s Page (877-467-3463) provides resources pointing fathers toward healing.

Offer to drive to and/or call the center to make an appointment. And ask if he’d like you to go with him.

What Not to Do

Condemn him

No one is sinless before God. Read and meditate on 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. Focus on this line from Paul: “And that is what some of you were.” (I Cor 6:11a.) The Christian Church is full of people who have sinned and yet found forgiveness through the finished work of Christ. If you are a Christian, that includes you. Keep this before your mind.

Also keep in mind that many fathers are purposefully excluded from discussions about whether to abort their children. It may not have been his choice.

Assume you’re on the same page

Even if you’re navigating properly, it won’t help if you get to the right destination but leave the other person behind. After making a point, ask for feedback: “Do you agree? What do you think?”

Assume he feels a certain way

While abortion is always wrong, not every father’s response to it will look the same. Ask him to share how he feels and what he thinks about abortion rather than assuming you know what is going on in his mind and heart.

Then gently guide him to the truth that regardless of how one feels, moral wrong is wrong. And, most importantly, share the very good news of forgiveness through trust in Jesus.

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