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When someone you care for has had an abortion, conversation can be difficult. However, unaddressed pain can fester. Your willingness to talk may be the very thing that points to authentic healing.

We can help you know generally what to say and how to say it, but remember that the story of the mother with whom you’re talking is unique. That does not change whether abortion is okay, but it does mean there might be unresolved personal issues which need attention. As part of your conversation, consider also recommending spiritual counsel.

Click through the navigator below. Then hit “continue” to start the conversation.

Know Why Abortion is Wrong

While the abortion is in the past, many women go on to have multiple abortions. Thus, even though you’ll start with consequences from the abortion, eventually you’ll want to address morality to save future babies and direct the mother to spiritual healing. You will thus need clarity for yourself on why abortion is wrong. Here’s a summary in three short lines:

  1. It is wrong to intentionally kill innocent human beings.
  2. Elective abortion intentionally kills innocent human beings.
  3. Therefore, elective abortion is wrong.

This will help when you get to the discussion on “the bad news” below. Even if the person you’re talking with does not recognize any harm from her abortion, there are spiritual consequences to resolve.

Start with Today

To find out how to focus the conversation, begin with how she feels about the past abortion. Ask, “How are you doing today?”

Say, “I’m glad you haven’t struggled with any of the psychological or physical risks many women face after abortion.” 

Then ask, “What do you think now about your decision to have an abortion? Do you think it was the right or wrong decision?”

Jump down to “Point to Truth” below.

Say, “Why do you feel that way?” Her answer may reveal that she is in fact struggling because of the abortion. If so, go on to the next line.

say, “I’m sorry to hear that. You are not alone. Many women have felt the way you feel. But you are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.”

Share Andrea's story as an example of another who's struggled after abortion.

Point to Truth

Say, “Many women do struggle after abortion, and I can understand why. Abortion ends the life of a child. When we hurt other people, especially those close to us, that affects us.”

Continue, “In fact, many mothers feel guilty after abortion. That’s because abortion is immoral. When we do immoral things, we feel guilty because we’ve offended God, who gave us the moral law. Even if we don’t feel the guilt, though, it still affects us.”

Finally, say, “I am no better than you. I have sinned against God, too. We are both guilty before him.”

Say, “But our stories don’t end there. We are both guilty, but God has not abandoned us. He loves you and will forgive you if you trust in Jesus Christ.”

Continue, “Jesus is truly God and truly man. As a man, he is able to take our place and accept the penalty for our sin. And as God, he is infinite. That means the sacrifice of his life is infinite and can cover infinite sin.”

If you don’t know whether she believes in Jesus, ask, “Do you already trust in Jesus, or would you consider trusting in him today?”

say, “Then God has forgiven you and washed you clean. And if he has forgiven you for your abortion, you should not continue to see yourself as guilty. He is the ultimate judge.”

say, “I’d love to help you learn more about him.” Ask if she’d consider meeting with you to read and discuss the Gospel of Mark or another book from the Bible.

ask, “If you don’t believe in Jesus, what do you believe in?” See Stand to Reason, Ratio Christi, Reasonable Faith, and other Christian apologetics resources for help.

Suggest Further Help

Say, “I want to continue talking and helping you in any way I can. Did you know there are also additional resources specifically designed for people with your story? I’d be happy to connect you, if you’re interested.”

Ask, “Do you have a church family? If not, would you consider visiting mine? Being part of a community of Christians can help with these matters, and you would have access to spiritual mentorship.”

Say, “There are organizations which focus on helping parents after abortion. I know they’d love to hear from you.”

Here are some great examples.

  • Deeper Still offers retreats for women who have experienced or participated in an abortion.
  • Abortion Recovery (866-469-7326) provides recovery resources for the entire family, with specific sections for mothers.
  • Rachel’s Vineyard (877-467-3463) provides resources, books, and retreats to help heal the pain of post-abortion trauma.