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When the child of someone you care for was aborted, conversation can be difficult. However, unaddressed pain can fester. Your willingness to talk may be the very thing that points to authentic healing.

We can help you know generally what to say and how to say it, but remember that the story of the father with whom you’re talking is unique. That does not change whether abortion is okay, but it does mean there might be unresolved personal issues that need attention. As part of your conversation, consider also recommending spiritual counsel.

Click through the navigator below. Then hit “continue” to start the conversation.

Know Why Abortion Is Wrong

While the abortion is in the past, many parents choose abortion multiple times. Thus, even though you’ll start with consequences from the abortion, eventually you’ll want to address morality to save future babies and direct the father to spiritual healing. You will thus need clarity for yourself on why abortion is wrong. Here’s a summary in three short lines:

  1. It is wrong to intentionally kill innocent human beings.
  2. Elective abortion intentionally kills innocent human beings.
  3. Therefore, elective abortion is wrong.

This will help when you get to the discussion on “the bad news” below. Even if the person you’re talking with does not recognize any harm from the abortion, there are spiritual consequences to resolve.

Start with Today

Say, “Thank you for sharing this private issue, that your baby was aborted, with me. How are you doing today?”

say, “I’m glad you haven’t struggled with the psychological effects many men have after abortion.” Then ask, “What do you think now about the decision to have an abortion? Do you think it was the right or wrong decision?”

If he says, “I think it was right,”

jump down to “Point to Truth” below.

If he says, “I think it was the wrong decision,”

ask, “Why do you feel that way?” His answer may reveal that he is in fact struggling because of the abortion. If so, go on to the next line.

say, “I’m sorry to hear that. You are not alone. Many men have felt the way you feel. But you are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.”

Point to Truth

Ask, “Were you part of the decision to have an abortion?”

say, “I’m really sorry. No father should have to experience what you did.”

Continue, “But God does not make souls only to have them die when our bodies do. I believe your child is with God. And if you believe in Jesus, you will meet him or her one day.” Then jump down to “Share the good news” below.

Say, “Many parents do struggle after abortion, and I can understand why. Abortion ends the life of a child. When we hurt other people, especially those close to us, that affects us.”

Continue, “In fact, many dads feel guilty after abortion. That’s because abortion is immoral. When we do immoral things, we feel guilty because we’ve offended God, who gave us the moral law. Even if we don’t feel the guilt, though, it still affects us.”

Finally, say, “I am no better than you. I have sinned against God, too. We are both guilty before him.”

Say, “Regardless of our involvement or lack thereof in abortion, we are all guilty, because we’ve all sinned against God. But he has not abandoned us. He loves you and will forgive you if you trust in Jesus Christ.”

Continue, “Jesus is truly God and truly man. As a man, he is able to take our place and accept the penalty for our sin. And as God, he is infinite. That means the sacrifice of his life is infinite and can cover infinite sin.”

Ask, “Do you already trust in Jesus, or would you consider trusting in him today?”

say, “Then God has forgiven you and washed you clean. And if he has forgiven you, you should not continue to see yourself as guilty. He is the ultimate judge.”

say, “I’d love to help you learn more about him.” Ask if he’d consider meeting with you to read and discuss the Gospel of Mark or another book from the Bible.

ask, “If you don’t believe in Jesus, what do you believe in?” See Stand to Reason, Ratio Christi, Reasonable Faith, and other Christian apologetics resources for help.

Suggest Further Help

Say, “I want to continue talking and helping you in any way I can. Did you know there are also additional resources specifically designed for people with your story? I’d be happy to connect you, if you’re interested.”

Ask, “Do you have a church family? If not, would you consider visiting mine? Being part of a community of Christians can help with these matters, and you would have access to spiritual mentorship.”

Say, “There are organizations which focus on helping men after abortion. I know they’d love to hear from you.” Look for links and examples on the final page.